


Can't Fight This Feeling

by RigorMorton



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Abusive Ship, F/M, Fat Shaming, Graphic Mention Of Murder, Inner Dialogue, One-Sided Attraction, Past Rape Mention, Pining, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Serial Killers, This is trash, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 13:32:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13525326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RigorMorton/pseuds/RigorMorton
Summary: William Lewis pines for the one that got away....





	Can't Fight This Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> I can't find any fics here with them, so I felt the need to change that. I'm aware what a trash ship this is, believe me.
> 
> WARNING: Past rape mention, and graphic hypothetical murder mention. Those tags don't exist, and if I chose the archive warning, people would think there was actual rape and murder in the fic. There's no mention option.

Lewis stares up at the ceiling above him - his hands behind his head, stretched out as comfortably as one can be while lying on a prison cot, thinking quietly about her. The one that got away. Olivia Benson of course.

Considering she's the only one who escaped the evil man's clutches, the face of the beautiful detective will now forever haunt him. However, it's a bit strange because Lewis never intended to kill her. Nor could he rape her. He couldn't bring himself to. It was always different with her. Even now. Even after she beat him half to death, left him maimed, lied on the stand, and got away with it. The notorious killer, still does not want her dead. She's the Clarice to his Hannibal. The world is a far more interesting place with her in it.

He forgives her. Most serial killers that are capable of the things William Lewis is, are too narcissistic to realize they deserve to be retaliated against, and that is how Lewis initially felt during trial. But now he understands, he did in fact deserve the beating he got, and then some. Something about detective Benson, brings the logic out of him.

It's so strange for him to be thinking about a woman like this. He's always just seen them as objects he's completely indifferent to. Sure he finds them attractive, but he's never had anything close to feelings for one. Much less obsessing over one. 

The cold blooded killer didn't know he was capable of these feelings. It feels unnatural to him. So does feeling lonely. He hates it. It makes him feel too human. 

Sure he has the sad fat lady that visits him every week, but she's nothing but someone to vent to. Not that he doesn't enjoy the baked goods she brings him. He'd could still slit her throat and watch her bleed out at his feet without batting an eyelash though. William Lewis is not sentimental. Well, maybe with the exception of detective Benson of course.

He wonders if Olivia knows. If she knows the reason he didn't rape her is because he's infatuated with her - that he didn't want to have to take it. He only wanted it to be given. She's the only one that he felt that way about.

Of course Lewis knows she'd never have him. He's a monster. The mere mention of his name probably turns her stomach. But it's still fun to think about though. 

He fantasizes about her coming to visit him, and slowly gaining her empathy. He'd tell her the sob stories about his abusive childhood and she'd put her hand up against the glass affectionately. 

He likes to think that if she actually got to know him, this scenario could actually happen. He figures he'll never know though, because Olivia would never come to see him. She has no reason to. Unless…..he gives her one.

Lewis sits up quickly, slightly smirking. "I'll write her a letter." He mumbles to himself.

He jumps down from his bunk and runs over to his desk, plopping down roughly into the hard, plastic chair.

He doesn't hesitate. He doesn't want to over think it. Just write from his heart - the one he didn't know he had till Olivia came along.

 

Dear Olivia, long time no talk. Most likely you won't even read this. You'll see it's from me, and tear it up, but on the off chance that curiosity gets the best of you, I thought you might be interested in something that could possibly give you closure. Both of us. If so, my visiting hours are on Sunday from 3pm to 4pm. 

You really have nothing to lose. I can't hurt you through bulletproof glass, nor do I want to. If I say anything that upsets you (which I won't), you can hang up the phone mid sentence and walk right out the door. 

You have the upper hand this time around. The tables have turned. I'd think you'd want to take advantage of it.

Whatta ya say, Liv? For old time's sake? 

\- love and sloppy kisses,

William Lewis

 

Lewis carefully folds the letter and places it in the envelope, giving the seal a seductive lick before before pressing it tightly closed. He scribbles her address on it, along with his (in case she doesn't show, but decides to write him back) and puts a stamp on it.

 

It's evening time, so mail won't go out till tomorrow.

Lewis carries the letter back up to his top bunk and slips it under his pillow in case his dick of a cell mate finds it. He doesn't need the letter being read aloud to the whole cell block. He has a cold and heartless reputation to uphold.

He lies back down on his back with a sigh - his mind going crazy with thoughts on how his detective might react. Will she tear the letter up with a scoff? Will she get emotional and maybe even consider coming? Will she even read it?

Lewis knows it's a stretch. But he also knows Olivia knows how healing closure can be. There is a chance she'll show. 

The thought makes the usually cold man (if you can call him that) grin widely. Oh, how nice it'd be to see the beautiful detective that haunts his dreams again. Even if it turns out to be the last. He can live with that. Although he doesn't want to. He desperately wants his delusions to become reality. However inconceivable they may be.

**Author's Note:**

> If this actually has an audience, I'll continue.


End file.
